Breaking News: Punctuation Shortages Expected to Continue

Written by: NetworkError, on 01-07-2010 13:48
Last update: 01-07-2010 13:50
Published in: Public, Musings and Soap Boxes
Views: 4029

Scientists around the world report a dramatic decrease in populations of periods, comas and other punctuation that once thrived in our linguistic ecosystem. Theories on the decrease in punctuation population are varied, but conclusive findings are not yet forthcoming.

Some scientists believe the shortage is linked to decreases in bee populations and can be traced back to mass cell-phone usage. Other, older scientists theorize the shortage is the fault of "those danged kids these days" with their "rock and roll" and "hippie pants".

Government officials are expected to issue a statement later today asking citizens to conserve and stockpile their personal stores of punctuation to prepare for the possibility of a prolonged shortage.

There are also rumors of writers' unions gathering and hording punctuation in bulk. Some blogs have reported intermittent and largely ineffective violence between English majors as they fight for this rapidly diminishing resource.

Experts warn that a prolonged shortage may result in shorter, though less readable books, and tragically hilarious TV and movies in which the actors' lines are delivered rapidly and non-stop like bullets from a machine gun.

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